Trixie's Retarded day
by MrZ31
Summary: Trixie decides to put on a show for all of Ponyville to see. But the event has some unexpected results... No seriously, NOTHING IN THIS FANFIC MAKES ANY SENSE!


Authors note:

I was not on any controlled substance while writing this. Completely sober.

There wasn't much [Random] fics so I decided to write one

there is a lot of fucking swearing in here

I didn't put effort into this fic. I hope you like it.

**Trixie's Retarted Day**

By Axl Crash

It was a Beautiful day in all of Equestria. Ponyville's infamous Rainbow Dash was soaring though the clear sky, heading her way to the village of Ponyville until a Pigeon was flying in her direction. Rainbow Dash did not want to hit the bird so she lost control and crashed into a nearby cabbage stand. Rainbow dash took a look at the destruction she made. The Pigeon perked up a building and started laughing like the Scout from Team Fortress 2.

"auhahaha, look at you! You look like you ran through traffic!"

Rainbow Dash then became pissed at the annoying bird and threw a cabbage at it. She missed. The bird saw the inaccurate shot and said. "what the hell was that crap?" Furious with the bird, she threw more cabbages. Missing every time. "No, Seriously. You suck!" The bird cat-called.

Dash knew she was not going to put up with that bird's shit. "It's time to fight fire with fire." said dash "By that, I mean bird by bird."

Dash then took out a rocket launcher that contained Scootaloo in it. Dash aimed the weapon at the pigeon and said "CHICKEN blaster"

The pigeon knew it was in some serious doo-doo. "umm.. okay, this does not look goo-" Dash then fired Scootaloo at the pidgeon before he finished it's sentence. It was an accurate hit. The pigeon scream as he was falling to the pavement. It landed next to a tailer.

Inside the trailer was Equestria's greatest magician. The Great and Powerful Trixie. She was asleep soundly in her bed because it was still early. She was sleeping so peacefully, It looked like no one could wake her up. That was until her alarm clock when off, which flung her out her bed as she yell "HOLY FUCK!"

As Trixie got back on her hooves she tried turn the alarm clock off. It wouldn't. She repeated the process until she threw the alarm clock out the window. The alarm clock happened to hit Applejack who happened to be ridding her bike.

Trixie exited her trailer and stretched. "Alright Trixie today is the day... to fuck bitches" she then pressed a button in trailer which transformed the trailer into her performance staged. As this happened the ponies in Ponyville came to the scene.

"FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE MOST SPECTACULAR SHOW YOU WILL SEE!" Trixie then appeared teleporting to the stage with her magical cloud thingy. "THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE! THE GREATEST MAGICIAN IN ALL-" "Shut up!" a pony in the audience threw a can at Trixie. Trixie then paused and looked at the colt who threw the can at her. The audience grew silent.

Trixie used her lazer eyes at the colt who threw the can at her, which turned him into a skeleton. He said "Ouchie, that almost hurts as bad the time I got it caught in the zipper."

Trixie paused for a moment, the coughed the clear her voice "THE GREATEST MAGICIAN IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA!"

As the crowed cheered. Rarity, in the audience, was sipping her drink. " what makes her so special?" Rarity threw her drink to the left. Which hit Applejack ridding her bike.

"For my next trick, I need a member of the audience to join me."

Pinkie pie was sitting at the table at the Sugar Cube Corner porch. Holding a joint. Baked. Saying " Dude, a fucking talking pony"

Rarity then volunteered herself just to see what she had to prove. "ah, you. The cracker."

"what?"

"The white pony."

"oh"

Rarity jumped on the stage. She was asked to enter a box. "I will make the pony disappear!" Rarity didn't like the idea but she went with it.

As the box closed with Rarity in it, Trixie waved her hooves at the box and then knocked on it. She then opened the box and it was dead empty. The crowd cheered. "Now, time to make her..." Trixie was thinking for a couple seconds. a mare from the audience said to Trixie.

"Reappear?"

"Shut the fuck up I'm thinking!... Reappear!"

Trixie repeated what she had done. As soon as she opened. It was still empty. She chuck for a little bit and said " where the hell did she go?"

[Meanwhile at the white house]

A man walks in President Obama's office "Sir you need to hear this!"

"what now?" said the president

" Believe it or not a character from the Mane cast is here on the white house lawn!"

"is it Rar-"

"yes"

Obama then ripped out his suit shirt and appeared he was wearing a T-shirt that said "Brony". "Bitch, it's time to make America fabulous" Obama said in a heroic tone of voice.

After that Mishap Trixie decided that the show must go on. "For my next trick, You will see many of me!" Trixie summoned a cloud around her. As the cloud faded there was a clone of herself. The crowd watched in awe as she cloned herself 2 more times. (that's 5 Trixies for you math dumbasses out there). "Know time to blow your mind"

They all appeared with instruments. A guitar, another guitar, a bass, drums, and a microphone. and play "Rebirth of the Temple" by Silent Civilian. It was pretty badass if you were there. The played through almost a minute of the song when Twilight Sparkle interrupted and yelled "OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THIS EMO SHIT!" The band stopped playing "LIKE SERIOUSLY! YOU GUYS HAVE TERRIBLE TASTE IN MUSIC! THIS IS NOT REAL METAL! THIS IS SHIT! LIKE, LIKE, ...LIKE C'MON! YOU GUYS ARE PUSSIES! LEARN TO PLAY A REAL-" A random Honda Civic then fell on Twilight. She appeared in the passenger seat while Celestia was in the driver's. Celestia said "cousin, let's go bowling!" "For the last time! I don't want to go fucking bowling!" The automobile then exploded.

"Alright next trick" said the Trixie on the microphone. All 5 of the Trixie threw their instruments which all the the items hit Applejack when she was passing along on her bike. "DAMMIT!" yelled Applejack.

"Now for the finale, I will-" Somepony from the audience bursted out "Sometimes, I dream about Cheese" "well ain't that fucking fascinating! Come closer and tell me more." "What did I do to deserve this?" A rubber ball was thrown at the interrupter.

"Now for the finale I will turn these pot of flowers on a table into a magnificent breakfast. With pancakes and bacon and a refreshment and bacon and syrup on the pancakes and bacon and-"

"Muffins?"

Trixie sighed "Yes Derpy, There will be muffins"

"Really?"

"NO!"

Trixie waved her hooves at the flowers to build magic and transformed the pot of flowers. But it didn't turn into any breakfast. Instead it turned into a small rabbit. Trixie gasped, pointed at the rabbit and said "YOU!"

The rabbit jumped to Trixie and punched her in the face. Trixie stood up an punched him back. It then started a fist fight. They both jumped into the audience and exploded. The only people left in the audience is the rabbit and Trixie. Trixie picked up the rabbit and threw him.

Pinkie pie was still sitting at the porch. "This is the worst porno I've ever seen" she said. Then the rabbit hit her in the face.

The rabbit stood up and looked for something to throw back at her. He picked up pinkie pie and threw her at Trixie. Trixie dodged the cannonball pinkie by ducking. As pinkie still flew she hit Applejack who was ridding her bike. Applejack stood up and said "Fuck this shit" she grabbed a mechanical device out of her satchel and pressed a button on it. The device went "Alalalalalalalalalalalala" Then Applejack exploded.

The duel still raged on with Trixie and the rabbit. Punches were thrown everywhere. It looked like one of the old animated Spider-man fights. Except it was pretty badass.

Trixie then punched the rabbit across the face which caused the rabbit to lose balance and fall over. Trixie looked at the rabbit said "This ends now Final Boss"

"Are you going to kill me?" said Final Boss

"No." said Trixie "I am going to let you watch the best movie ever with me." Trixie then held up a Dvd.

"Not that movie!" said Final Boss

"Yes!"

"Not Bio-Dome starring Pauly Shore"

"YES!" Trixie then grabbed Final Boss by his ears. Before she could take him to her trailer. Fluttershy came up to them with a sad look on her face and yelled "WWAAAAAIIIIIITTTTTTT!" They both looked at Fluttershy. As they got her attention she looked down and said "I.. umm... I sort of... want too.. see that movie too... If thats alright?"

The Great and Powerful Trixie, Fluttershy, and Final Boss was watch the TV as "Safety Dance" plays. Trixie and Fluttershy were smiling and bobbing their heads.

Trixie looked at Fluttershy and sang "We can dance, we can dance, Everybody look at your hands"

Fluttershy looked back at Trixie and sang "We can dance, we can dance Everybody takin' the chance"

They both swayed left and right both singing "Safety dance, Is it safe to dance, Is it safe to dance"

Final Boss was tied to a chair looking annoyed. "I fucking hate both of you"

And Everypony lived happily ever after. The end.

Moral of the story:

Bio-Dome is the greatest movie ever!


End file.
